Test blog? Is there such a thing?

I wish I could be one of those mothers that is fully engaged, always doing something. You know the types...they have their kids in a thousand different activities by the time the kid is 2. They have their toddler's college curriculum planned out at birth...
Not so for me, apparently. Right this second I'm sitting on the floor of the nursery, watching my half naked 17 month old systematically empty out his drawers all over the floor. It's noon and we just got out of his first bath in 3 days.
Of course it doesn't help that I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant with what will be my little monster's brother. I've never been particularly energetic anyway, but add the (unintended) pregnancy, the raging prenatal depression and the solitude and it's amazing sometimes that we both get dressed and get out of our respective beds every day.
I'm a stay at home mom. My husband works 2 jobs while going to school so that I can do this. My closest family is 5 hours away. Which means that I'm also basically a single mom. We solidified the decision that I wouldn't go back to work at the tail end of my pregnancy, when we realized that daycare would take up 3/4 of my paycheck. Whats the point of working JUST to pay some overworked person to watch my kid (along with 40 others) for 10 hours a day? So I quit my crappy low paying job and traded my 40 hour work week for a thankless routine that included getting shit on (literally) being the only human in this house willing to put in the work to avoid living in squalor, and being a human feedbag for 10 months. For no pay and a RARE thank you or "dinner tastes good."
So on days like today, I feel utterly useless as a mother. It's a Saturday and Facebook is brimming with updates and photos of mommies taking their kids to the park or the zoo or mcdonalds or whatever, while I'm still rocking my pjs and wondering if I'll generate enough momentum to make it to the grocery store today.

I think I've decided to turn my rants into a blog. There are so many "helpful" mommie blogs out there, and not too many that seem to be honest "what the fuck am I doing?!" kinds of blogs. Honesty is the key to life, ladies! Maybe if I'd read some crazy woman's bitter impotent rages months ago I wouldn't have felt so isolated. Or maybe I just want a forum to freak out in a guilt-free way; I'm fairly certain my BFF is sick to DEATH of listening to me whine, so I try to keep it together when I talk to her...which tends to leave me feeling more isolated sometimes.
In any case...we'll see how this goes. I'm going to try to not make this a place for all-out negative energy, but damned if you'll find anything like "yeah, motherhood is hard, BUT IT'S SO REWARDING" on here, which was the bs that I heard the whole time I was pregnant the first time.

So anyway, after my initial "I don't wanna..." morning, I ended up getting in the car with every intention of going to the grocery store, but "wait wait don't tell me" was so hilariously funny that I ended up driving around country roads for an hour listening and laughing my ass off while the kiddo napped in the back seat.
I think being in the sun helped, because I ended up feeling a little less lost & managed to make it through the grocery store without wanting to murder anybody, which is strange for me.
Right now the refrigerator is full, the kiddo is playing quietly, the dog is manic as hell, the cat is crabby like an old man and I have what I hope will become challah rising in the kitchen.
We'll see how this all turns out...
Tonight my kid had the following for dinner: Colby jack cheese, kielbasa, cheese ravioli, cantaloupe, and 1/2 a waffle with peanut butter on it. Sounds like a ton of food, right? Like maybe my kid is a huge fat bebe...? This kid has an overabundance of energy. As in he never stops moving, and has been this way since he was in utero. He's got a little toddler belly, and at first glance his legs look chubby. Upon closer inspection, one realizes that this kid's thighs are solid muscle. It's ridiculous. So I feed him big meals that make other parents' eyes pop. At least everything on his plate is healthy-ish (the waffle is processed food, but that's really as bad as it gets)
My dinner is 3 cheese ravioli in a pancetta kale sauce.
The challah is doing its 2nd rise now. Just one more rise to go, then I can cook it! The hub should be happy with warm bread when he gets home...
One thing I can say about this whole SAHM thing...I've become a better cook...I was decent before, but now I actually feel confident about my food.

So I'm going to try this blog thing for a while & see where it takes me.  I've never been good at writing with any real frequency, but I'm trying for a new disciplined me.  I figure I'll have to suck it up and develop some sort of routines before baby #2 gets here, or else I really will go completely off the deep end!